Red flags unheeded

We see what we want to see amidst blaring warnings that others would point out to us were we inclined to hear it.  We aren't.

David goes on the visit to Steerforth's home.  Meets his mother, who is overly doting, one might say she worships him, on James (Steerforth) and sees him as all things good and perfect.  In such, she's not all that interesting.  Living with her is a Miss Dartle (commonly called Rosa by the Steerforths).  She is a slight, dark-haired, dark-eyed, contrary woman., that David deems to be about aged 30, and in want of a husband.  She was taken in by Mrs. Steerforth as a companion, when Rosa was left alone in the world at a young age.  She is embittered, never saying what she really thinks directly, but only in a form of questioning rebuttal.  (And so hard to get her real meaning across, that David wakes up finding he has dreamt about her words without knowing at all what they mean.  "Oh! you mean it's not!...Well, I'm very glad to hear it! Now, I know what to do! That's the advantage of asking. I shall never allow people to talk before me about wastefulness and profligacy, and so forth, in connection with that life, any more.") (Dickens, David Copperfield, Chapter 20.)

She has a scar across her lip, usually only barely noticeable, except when her mood is about to change, and then it serves as a signal, changing shade before the rest of her shows it.  David finds out later that Steerforth had caused the scar, had thrown a hammer at her and hit her in the face when they were younger. (Who throws a hammer at someone's face?)

Regarding the name "Daisy"' that Steerforth has bestowed on David.  Miss Dartle, "But really Mr. Copperfield...is it a nickname? And why does he give it you? Is it - eh? - because he thinks you young and innocent? I am so stupid in these things." (Yup.) (Chapter 20.)

Regarding David's friends in Yarmouth, ""Oh, but really! Do Tell me. Are they, though?...That sort of people.  Are they really animals and clods, and beings of another order? I want to know so much." (Miss Dartle.)

Steerforth's reply, "Why, there's a pretty wide separation between them and us, ...They are not to be expected to be as sensitive as we are. Their delicacy is not to be shocked, or hurt very easily. They are wonderfully virtuous, I dare say. Some people contend for that, at least; and I am sure I don't want to contradict them. But they have not very fine nature; and they may be thankful that, like their coarse rough skins, they are not easily wounded." (Chapter 20.)

Miss D, "Really!...Well, I don't know, now, when I have been better pleased than to hear that.  It's so consoling! It's such a delight to know that, when they suffer, they don't feel! Sometimes I have been quite uneasy for that sort of people; but now I shall just dismiss the idea of them altogether. Live and learn. I had my doubts, I confess, but now they're cleared up. I didn't know, and now I do know, and that shows the advantage of asking - don't it?" (Chapter 20.)

Later, when alone with Steerforth, David expects that he will apologize for the statement, that he was only saying it to egg on Miss D.  He doesn't (because he believes it, as many people still do.  If you can make less of another, then you can allow all sorts of abuse to happen to them, justifying your inaction or complicity in the matter, by denying they have the same feelings that you would under similar circumstances, that you are more human than they.)

When David says that Miss D is "clever," Steerforth replies,  "Clever! She brings everything to a grindstone...and sharpens it, as she has sharpened her own face and figure these years past. She has worn herself away by constant sharpening. She is all edge."  (Chapter 20.) Which is truth, but when she speaks at times, she also sees through the fog of affection for Steerforth that blinds the others. And perhaps it was she baiting Steerforth to speak the ugly truth of his beliefs and not the other way around.  Too soon to tell.

And it's true that David sees a hero in Steerforth.  And for all the inherent narcissism in him, Steerforth did, in fact, rescue David, and champion him in school, and also in the inn, and that is worth something, in David's case devotion, albeit blind, regardless of his true motives for being that champion: it made David's life at the time infinitely better.

But, his low opinion of others not in the same life station as himself, perhaps allows him to misuse Lil Em'ly the way he does without remorse: it doesn't matter if he destroys her, she's not as human as he, and so there can be no consequences to it.

All of these, warnings, but we tend to overlook them in our desire to be close to "perfection" and have some of it rub off on us, and so does David with Steerforth.  He is much like us.